reluctant

i'm trying to avoid the issue. no, i don't want to say it. i'm quite reluctant and awfully clumsy when it comes to this sort of thing. so you can imagine my shock when i notice it start to rupture from within. it's starting to make me uneasy. this is a new feeling, rushing through my veins, pulsating with my heartbeat. it forces tears to my eyes and i can't help but let them spill over the brim and just run down my face. but it's not the kind of crying that forces one to wonder what they did wrong. no, this is the kind of sobbing that can only be provoked by kindness. that can only be provoked by meditating on his smile. that smile melts my heart even still. or his laugh. the laugh that penetrates my insides and forces me to forget my worries as i sit before him. perhaps it's his touch, the kindness that pierces into my heart as my knees knock and i get dizzy. i can't be quite sure, but it could be his kind words that cause me to understand just a fraction of how Abba Father feels about me. i'm reluctant, and quite slow when it comes to these kinds of things. the honeymoon in my heart has been long over, the mountaintop is above us now, but we can still see the valley below. and all i know in this time is that even if i want to fight it, even if i'm reluctant...

i'm falling in love with him.