[untitled]

as the thunder rolls across the sky

i'm left alone to my torturous thoughts

oh, Lord, deliver me from myself!

i'm in pure agony wishing i'd known how to stop

wishing i'd known how to protect him from myself

wishing i was an angel that the world could behold

and yet, my disgusting humanity is made blatantly apparent

and as it pours sheets of rain

i feel my heart breaking a million times over

for when i feel the nearest to you

that, that moment, is when i fall the hardest. 

please God, understand my contrite heart

see me in my brokenness and utter resistance

and understand this fragile existence

that's really doing the best it can. 

Lord, i'm really doing the best i can.

eruption

gotta soothe the pain of the boiling tide that's washing over my logic and making my heart race. my head is pounding and i think it might explode. my hands balled up in fists, heat escaping from my body through the shouting that erupts from my mouth. nothing is going to soothe this irritation continuously scratching at my heart till it bleeds. make me raw and expose the insides to the whole world, especially those i care for the most. will they be able to handle the monster raging inside of me? the one that hibernates for decades and only lashes out on the rarest of occasions? the one that forsakes all thought and reason and understanding and compassion and just desires to take something down? welcome to my anger.