the sun isn't nearly as merciless today in this place of desolation.
it's been a while now, and i haven't yet tired of this wilderness experience. i've been restoring the ancient words of the women who have come before me, and i'm finding such sustenance and power in the things they spoke and wrote, and although it hasn't happened yet, hopefully i will write something like they did to leave it behind for the next woman that passes through. i'll shatter it on the ground as well, though. words are so meaningless when handed to you effortlessly, the work you do to understand it all makes them come to life.
i've realized quite a few things about myself in this place. i will not be understood fully by any human being, and to expect such a thing is just setting myself up for failure and disappointment. that's the tragic beauty in humanity: we don't understand one another. and in that knowledge, i am an utter fool if i am not exactly who my Husband lovingly shaped me into being. don't you understand? i'm not like those quiet, ladylike women that churches seem to be so extremely fond of. i am a lover and a fighter. i am a rebel with a cause. i am armed and dangerous. and that's just going to have to be okay with you, because my Beloved is quite jealous for it.
i've been asked why i find it necessary to compare myself to gomer when there obviously were many other women that have been in this place. and this is the only sufficient answer i can bring: i have prostituted my heart to undeserving men and have neglected to remember my first love and His faithfulness to me. and for that, i am truly sorrowful.
but my greatest sorrow in my discoveries here can only be marked with one word: forgetfulness. oh, how quickly i forget His faithfulness to me and long for my knight to come gallavanting through the bushes, sweep me off the sand and onto his horse, and once again ride into the sunset. but i'm starting to discover that even if it was time to start out on the trail, i'm not sure i'd want a ride anyway. mostly because i am fearful that i would forget again. i know it breaks His heart, and that's what breaks mine.
" 'she decked herself with her earrings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but Me she forgot,' says the Lord." [hosea 2:13]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
