winter blues?

lately, i've been extremely mellow. not much to say, not much to do, not much to think. most days i want to just sit in an empty room with a cup of coffee and sad music. i'm not depressed and i'm not sad...i just want everything around me to be quiet, warm, and mellow. is this bad?

to the sky

i am broken, my song is over
my wings are clipped
i don't even want to open my mouth and
let the lies spill out anymore.
(because they'd be lies today)

you wouldn't understand if i
tried to explain what's going on in my mind
it's a battle in the trenches
all i can see is the dirt falling on my face and
closing in
(everything is closing in)

normally i can fly away from all of this
just soar over those thoughts and that pain
but now that there's holes in my feathers
and empty spaces in my heart
the only way out is through the fire
(the only way out is through this mess)

just reach down here, pick me up,
mend my brokenness and hold me
in your arms, tell me it's alright
You made me, you shaped me,
and now you lavish your love on me
(your love is the most lovely drug)

out of my lips comes a sound that
i'm afraid to sing because nobody's heard it before
after years of holding it in, i can't take it
anymore. so i am going to sing,
my Heavenly Father will hear my deepest cry.
(even broken-winged birds can sing to the sky)

indelible

I will never forget the night you found me. Naked, hungry, whimpering in the shadows of the streets. Reminding myself with the pain of a blade of the places I'd been and how they'd brought me here. Life took me by the neck and threw me around for a while. One of those stories...you said you'd never end up here, and yet here you are. That's what my life was when you found me: bleak, depressing, and pointless. Hopeless.
And then there you were. In the midst of my pain and my self-inflicted rage, You reached down into the murky mess of my heart and brought me close to You. Said it was okay, said there was hope, that I'd never thirst again. You put a cup of life to my lips and I drank deep of a love I'd never known before. You fed me with Your words of truth and I was more than satisfied, yet hungry for more. It was like an experience I'd never known, and all because You decided to love on me for a change, instead of being like the rest of the world and just loving me when it meant You'd get Your dues eventually.
This was the indelible mark you left on my soul: You touched my heart and burned right through it, consumed it, and it became whole. You brought me life in the midst of my death. Where rot and ruin should be my master, I have enslaved myself to Your Lordship. I am captured by this love that sucked me in.

[untitled]

there's a this and a that
always a beginning and end
top and bottom
hot and cold
i just want to find the middle ground.