first train home

the train station, amidst its hustle and bustle, amidst the loud noises and high, echoing ceilings, offered solace to her. she sat pristine, with an antique bag in her lap, hands folded. she had nothing to say, nothing on her mind, aside from the casual "i just want to go home." 


she knew that home wasn't a place for her anymore. no, a physical home had long been stripped from her senses. home for her was something much bigger...home for her was the laughter, the sunflowers. home was the echo of a baby's cry, or the smile on the face of a dear friend. home had become so much bigger than the four walls she'd known her whole life. home had become a state of mind. and although, at times like these, it was difficult to admit, she liked having that kind of home much better - because it meant she was home much more of the time.

yet, even in the swimming thoughts that plagued her mind about where home could possibly be, she knew there was only one place where she felt one hundred percent at home - like she belonged. she could travel the world over and never find a place so safe as this. the smiles, the tears, the music, the deep conversations, the heartache, the long walks to nowhere, the late nights, the questions. the feeling of his smooth skin against her face, the warmth of his hand in hers, the rhythm of his heartbeat as she lay on his chest, the surprise of a brief laugh. the only place she was really home was in his arms.

the train whistle blew violently, and steam erupted everywhere. she fished for her ticket and sprinted to the train, a smile on her face, because she knew that before long, she'd be in the arms of the one she loved...and she'd finally be....

home.

sleepless in seattle?

i am extremely restless.
it's four in the morning and i have no idea what i'm doing still awake. usually a long night like this means something is on my mind or that i need to write...
this time i think it's a little bit of both...

but in either respect, i don't know where to begin.

a great adventure

my chains are gone, my cage is open
i've been set free to fly away
and the sentiments of this bondage
have glued my feet to this ground

a paste, composed of lies and half truths
object lessons and victimized stories
this has become most uncomfortable
they have trapped me in a skin i've long outgrown

i whistle and sing, a song of fear,
but nobody can tell because it still sounds beautiful
only One can read the desperation in my voice
and He brings one word with Him

that word that shatters all other words
breaks me out of this dead skin
and leaves me to make my move
and without thinking twice, i spread my wings and
fly, fly, fly

fly as far away from that place as i can: south.
i find freedom in Brazil;
their faces melting at the sound of His name
finding truth in the words i utter, for i can't lie
about One so great that He broke me from myself.
i find freedom in their hunger.

i find freedom in Mexico,
where some still see bondage,
i show them what freedom looks like
even when it doesn't feel like.
i bring myself more freedom through my honesty.

i find freedom in the eyes of little ones
willing to forsake things they'll never know they left
to follow the way, the Truth, and the Life.

i find freedom in his eyes...
the eyes that are still so bound
but i see where he will be and i will
never leave his side.

mostly, i find freedom in His eyes.
no matter where i scatter,
no matter where i fly,
His eyes of fire find me and see me
and the most lovingly rapturous gaze
turns my inside outs upside down
and i'm left at square one.

for in this journey, i am learning
that freedom is not independence
but complete and total dependence on Him.

the "i want You more" project

God is wrecking my life.

i want You more.