as i recall, i said another weather

not under the weather.
[sigh]

the leaves are too green

oh, how i am wishing that fall would come. not for any particular reason, mind you, i think a change of pace is what i need. the brisk fall wind slapping me in the face as i step outside with my hands in my pockets and a scarf around my neck. i would be walking with no agenda, no destination, with nothing in mind but a million things on my mind. the leaves would blanket me as i would wander aimlessly beneath the trees. a latte in hand would be nice, but not necessary. mostly, i'd just have time to think and ponder all these things that have transpired over the time that i've been away from home. i've become a completely different person. circumstances have changed me and i've changed circumstances. and i haven't done enough thinking.

i get so caught up in the busyness of life, in the details of my time here at CFNI, that i forget that this kind of thing only happens once in a lifetime. i should be cherishing it, i should be reveling in it. i'm not saying i should block out the world around me, because if i do that, everything i do here is in vain. i'm mostly saying that sometimes i've gotta relax. live a little. do something i've never done before. expand my horizons. be adventurous like i claim to be.

and i think fall is just what i need.

organic coffee and french catch phrases

i've got ten minutes to write down what i'm thinking, before i have to get back to my apartment. there isn't much floating around in this brain of mine nowadays, i'm just trying to figure out how to get myself thinking again. there's nothing valuable to value anymore. there's nothing important for me to articulate. what happened to me that caused me to be so...vacant?

romancing the stone

there's something different about us.
i can't quite put my finger on it, and i don't quite like to talk about it.
because, although i haven't always been this way,
i'm quite bashful and reserved when it comes to you.

i just don't want us to become something that people get used to.
i never get used to the way you make me feel when you call me darling
i don't want to get used to the way your fingers feel when they lace through mine.
i never get used to the practical side of you and me, the friendship we've built.
i don't ever want to get used to your smile, the one that penetrates my heart.
i can't possibly get used to that voice, the one that still makes my insides go crazy.

i haven't told you that i love you yet.
and honestly, i don't plan to for a while.
but there's some comfort in that,
no stress, no worries,
just you and me.

and i really like it that way.
you've shown me that even a heart of stone can't keep you away.

[untitled]

fall is coming, they're saying
but i'm not ready for a change
i'm not even ready for the morning to come
i just got used to this day
only to find it's once again over

in this state of change i find
that my yesterdays spill over into
the todays that i've so carefully composed
and while i'm nothing like i used to be
i'm exactly who i was before

i'm still breathing i'm still human
you still cut me i still bleed
i still long to know i'm lovely
and i still laugh and cry and speak

summer was a time to mourn
quite an irony if you look to the skies
but now here's fall and with the season
comes a bit of fading away

the fading away of the bitter insecurity
the death of my fear and my doubt
but it's comfortable to be in this state of mind
so i keep inviting in the same voices
the same feelings the same pain

there's going to be a time
when the change is gonna come
and i'm gonna welcome it with open arms
no shame or guilt drowning me

fall is coming, they're saying.