surprise!

i'm not a very informative writer most of the time. it's mostly likely because i find that i reveal more of myself in an instance where i just sit down and tell you what's going on in my life than when i hide it behind pretty words and line breaks. but i must say, when i found out my parents were in dallas and that i was going to see them for the first time in 5 weeks, i was quite determined to make it an epic experience.

and epic it was. they held me while i worshipped. they loved on me until i couldn't breathe anymore! they told me how wonderful i was and gave me their full attention. they bought me coffee and stroked my hair. and when it was all said and done, they just did what parents do.

after all of this stress and worry and anxiety, the moments where i wanted to curl up in my mother's arms and cry because i felt like my life was one big mess and that martha was winning and i'd never be mary again, the moments where i doubt the work He has done in my life, the moments i feel like giving up...God sent me a miracle in my parents' visit. He knows just what to do to make my days smoother. and they say i need a man. ha! no man could measure up to my Husband. he'll have to be pretty breathtaking to even distract me temporarily.

parents always know just what to do. :)

i am martha

if you only knew, Lord.

i've had lots on my mind. it's not like i'm a sitting duck anymore. rehearsalworkschoolstudyingmusicworshipwritingreadingprayingfastingtalkingsharingsleepingfighting.
running here, jogging there, pacing the floor making sure i got everything done because if i didn't someone is going to notice and my completely perfectly micromanaged world that looks good all on the outside will come crashing in. i am martha.

oh, Lord, how i long for the days when i had time. how i wish it was like the days of mary, when i would sit at your feet and listen to your confessions of love sung and spoken over me. when i knew life couldn't be any better.

but then life got the better of me.
now i'm wishing that i wasn't upset and worried about many things
for only one thing is needed, and mary has chosen what is better.
if you only knew, Lord.

musicmakers

the breath of my lips brushes the wind, (and)
breathe deep, for this could last forever
as the angels' wings (like wind chimes) flap from north to south
shimmering in an emerald glow

(and) what's before my eyes is near impossible, (but)
what's inside my heart is sheer reality
(oh!) how i wish you could hear it, too!
these music makers (plucking the very strings of my soul)

their eyes blink like tambourine hits
percussive heartbeats, melodious sighs (and)
as a chill fills the room, their icicle-breath like a rainstick
(would you?) sing over me, musicmakers

for i am mesmerized by the songs of angels

to walk in their sandals

i desire to abide on the mountaintop
for i am like moses; and long for Your glory
and i wish i could reach to the heavens
for i am like jacob; and dream of that day

i crave the moment when i will sit at Your feet
for i am like mary; and find nothing more precious
and i hunger for the moment that You call me 'friend'
for i am like abraham and would give You all i love

i covet the days when You will go before me
for i am like david; broken, yet anointed
and i seek out the moments when i see Your eyes of fire
for i am like john; and declare You are sovereign

i want to know how it feels to be restored by Your touch
for i am like the sick woman; diseased, afflicted, and desperate
but i know that You're faithful and i'll love You forever
for i am like job and know You are God.

wanderings

i'm feeling like there's something important on my mind, but i'm not persistent enough to chase whatever it might be. maybe next time.

goodnight, moon.