eruption

gotta soothe the pain of the boiling tide that's washing over my logic and making my heart race. my head is pounding and i think it might explode. my hands balled up in fists, heat escaping from my body through the shouting that erupts from my mouth. nothing is going to soothe this irritation continuously scratching at my heart till it bleeds. make me raw and expose the insides to the whole world, especially those i care for the most. will they be able to handle the monster raging inside of me? the one that hibernates for decades and only lashes out on the rarest of occasions? the one that forsakes all thought and reason and understanding and compassion and just desires to take something down? welcome to my anger. 

writer's block

tell me something to say to break this inadvertent cycle of holding my proverbial tongue

running out of words is a foreign concept to an artist like me, 

painting pictures with the syllables that rattle off my tongue

and yet here i sit, with absolutely no way to articulate the dreams lingering on my insides.

glimpses of the past month

"before i lay me down to sleep 

my incoherent thoughts seem to stumble into something condusive

like another world, a fairytale. 

and when i wake once again, 

i find that my seemingly captivating thoughts

were merely misfirings in my brain called

dreams."

"fear shoots down my spine, i feel like it's all coming to its demise. and then you speak little god-whispers, a lullaby that drowns out the storm."

"i wished on my star that you would be waiting for me in the distant corridors of my oh-so-fragile heart, reminding me of your willingness to take up permanent residency. oh, how i hope the search is over." 

"love, when it is true, when it is right, will complicate the simple, yet simplify the complicated. but love, when it is wrong, will complicate both the simple and the complicated."

"you asked me for a love song so i'm writing you goodbye"

edge

i've run so far and now i can't seem to break the winner's ribbon. i want to stay on this side, because it's all i've worked for and i wouldn't want it to be over. but i know if i break that line, it's all done. there's no walking back over the that line and taping the ribbon back together. it's the end of everything i've battled through and trained for. do i dare cross the line to discover what's on the other side?

waiting.

you promised me the world hand in hand,
dream in dream, lifetime in lifetime,
you promised me that no matter what the outcome,
i'd always be able to stare at you and smile.

and perhaps that's still the case.

but here i stand, sitting on my hands
the most beautiful contradiction i've never
wanted to walk away from.

i just want to see my name handwritten
all over the confines of your oh-so-broken heart
because i know that in the end,
my name looks better there anyway.

yet here i stand, sitting on my hands
praying that you'll come back and never leave
even though you never walked away.