sleepless in seattle?

i am extremely restless.
it's four in the morning and i have no idea what i'm doing still awake. usually a long night like this means something is on my mind or that i need to write...
this time i think it's a little bit of both...

but in either respect, i don't know where to begin.

a great adventure

my chains are gone, my cage is open
i've been set free to fly away
and the sentiments of this bondage
have glued my feet to this ground

a paste, composed of lies and half truths
object lessons and victimized stories
this has become most uncomfortable
they have trapped me in a skin i've long outgrown

i whistle and sing, a song of fear,
but nobody can tell because it still sounds beautiful
only One can read the desperation in my voice
and He brings one word with Him

that word that shatters all other words
breaks me out of this dead skin
and leaves me to make my move
and without thinking twice, i spread my wings and
fly, fly, fly

fly as far away from that place as i can: south.
i find freedom in Brazil;
their faces melting at the sound of His name
finding truth in the words i utter, for i can't lie
about One so great that He broke me from myself.
i find freedom in their hunger.

i find freedom in Mexico,
where some still see bondage,
i show them what freedom looks like
even when it doesn't feel like.
i bring myself more freedom through my honesty.

i find freedom in the eyes of little ones
willing to forsake things they'll never know they left
to follow the way, the Truth, and the Life.

i find freedom in his eyes...
the eyes that are still so bound
but i see where he will be and i will
never leave his side.

mostly, i find freedom in His eyes.
no matter where i scatter,
no matter where i fly,
His eyes of fire find me and see me
and the most lovingly rapturous gaze
turns my inside outs upside down
and i'm left at square one.

for in this journey, i am learning
that freedom is not independence
but complete and total dependence on Him.

the "i want You more" project

God is wrecking my life.

i want You more.

justice

in the early morning light

when the sun's rays just awake

and the shadows flee the earth

i could be found dancing with justice,

his laughter forcing the darkness to hide,

his eyelashes beating like butterfly wings and

forcing a smile to the surface of my lips.

and in the midday, when the clouds are at their fullest

when it seems as though the sky is transparent

and there is no danger in sight

i can be found dancing with justice,

his little feet keeping in time with mine,

his heartbeat reviving a hope inside of me

that i had long forgotten.

even at twilight, when the stars have taken over

and there is only shadows that can come out to play

i would be found dancing with justice,

his fragile arms outstretched to the God of always

his little ashen hands extending more power than i've ever known.

it doesn't seem like much,

but when i saw him, i knew there was love to be found.

and so i did exactly what i said i did....

i danced with justice.

a harshly scripted farewell

she sat across the table, arms clasped tightly and folded pretentiously in her lap. "so you're telling me that after all the things we went through to be together, you're moving away?"

"that's what i'm saying. i can't be here anymore. circumstances have changed, dear. i'm not who i was, not who you thought i was, not who we thought i was, not who anyone thought i was, and i don't much know how to deal with that," he retorted defensively. didn't she understand how hard this was for him too? it's not like he'd planned on all these issues boiling to the surface and costing him everything, especially her. that was why he put up this defense; in all reality, he just didn't want to lose her. he reached across the table for her hands and she threw them down to her sides like anchors.

"this seems to be hurting me more than you, and i don't like that," she said with a frown on her face.

that's just because i don't want to admit this is getting deeper than i'd expected, he mused.