carnivaltown

i took a wrong turn and almost collided with it. a broken-yet-trying-to-stay-alive mexican carnival. in the middle of dallas. something used to happen here. this place was once alive. the place where children's dreams were made to be pirate ship rides and their hunger was soothed with funnel cakes. and we go round and round on the tilt a whirl, trying to forget our worries and cares.

white noise

i desire to shatter this silence with a scream
to force you to hear the truth of who i am
and i've hid in the spotlight for entirely too long
for you to notice that i've been withering

i desire to shatter this silence with a scream
to make you understand how ridiculous you've become
i don't even know who you are anymore
and you don't even notice that you're changing

i desire to shatter this silence with a scream
to show you the error of your underhanded ways
not because i hate you, but because you're hurting others
and i will not allow you to keep manipulating.

i desire to shatter this silence with a scream
to cause the attacks of hell to stop cold
we shouldn't believe all those lies we've been told
and i refuse to let us keep crumbling

i desire to shatter this silence with a scream
because nobody else seems to be talking
and there's so much to be said, yet nothing to say
and i'm the only one that seems to be caring

who are you?

or maybe, the more important question i should be asking is...















who am i?

sunday

what more is there to say, when my whole day has been spent in solitude? what more is there to say when there's nobody to call? what more is there to say, when i've exhausted all my leisure? what more is there to say when i'm back to where i started?


i am completely, utterly, surprisingly, painfully, and absolutely lonely.

tranquility

i like watching cars drive by my window at night. i try to tuck the blinds up so i can lie there as i hear the soothing noise of an engine whizzing by said window. i don't really know why i do it or even why i like it. all i know is that when i lie in bed at night and i'm anxious and can't sleep, this is what i do. and i find myself on this "i skipped school because i haven't missed a day all semester" morning, doing the same thing. comfort. solace. peace. security trucks, sports cars, suv's, they all come by my window and i watch them as they pass, and it lulls me to a peaceful state. in the midst of all this angst and hatred and division, i find peace. why? not because a black man is going to be my president, not because the government is reliable. no, it's because in the midst of my biggest valley yet, God has reached down just to say:

hey, my love, i'm still here.