pleading insanity

i don't need advertisements around every corner telling me how much i lack. i do that enough for myself and the rest of us for that matter, thank you. i don't need supergirl parading her superhuman abilities around in front of me when i'm trying so hard to just be a steady, stable woman. i'm strange, that is a fact established. i'm different, not like it's that hard to be in a world like ours. i'm special. i stand out. i thought that was supposed to be a good thing? and yet here i sit, feeling like a freak show without a cause, a performing monkey without an audience. where are those who i call friends? the ones i love have become wrapped up in a life lived for the right reasons and i'm just stuck at home without them. i'm disappointed in the life i thought i was gonna have compared to the cold hard facts. i don't like always being the wrong one, the one that fails, the one that falls short. i can't stand being the insignificant one, that's just a part i feel i have to play. maybe someday i'll stop running in circles, i'll realize that i don't have a tail so why am i chasing it? when it all comes crashing down, i'm learning to be content, but what about when i feel like i don't measure up to what you said i am? or how about when you never say what i am and so i don't know what's going on in your head, so i guess, and my guesses are never good guesses. you should tell me what you're thinking because what i'm thinking that you're thinking aren't positive thoughts. and so we can see why i feel like i'm going insane. i sure hope that's the problem, because otherwise, this crazy, out of control woman is just plainly WHO I AM and that makes me just like every other woman that came before me. i'll have made no ripple in the water, no change in this world, and that's worse than never existing at all.