love/strife

i am finding that love is often born in the midst of strife. when the flood comes in, there are two choices: there is the decision to evaluate the cost of it all and decide that you know what? you were never really willing to pay the price in the first place. which is fine, you're mostly grateful that you made that decision before you had to sit through the storm, you're grateful that it wasn't love in this case. and there is the decision to sit down and look behind you; to see all the memories, the good and the bad, and to realize that this person has genuinely just made your life better. the way they talk, the way they live, the adventure they bring, it's just all making your life happier than you ever were before. and this storm that is knocking on the door might bring complications, and you might even have to lock your door and lock them out, but you only do it because you know it's for the best. and that is when you know love has been born. 

and this is where i find myself. the storm has come upon me, and rapidly. i have already chosen what i am going to do. you've never been bad for me. not until now. you're like a natural sedative. when i see your rejection, it gives me no purpose to be awake and enjoying the world, for the world is significantly less enjoyable without you. i am adventure-less. you think that i'm locking you out because i want the storm to whisk you away forever. but really i'm locking the door because i've left it open for so long that the storm has already brought damage and now i'm just trying to salvage the remnants. and if you'll be waiting once it's passed, you can come in and we can live happily ever after. 

oh, how i despise the strife that brings love.