economics of spirituality

i've come to a very difficult place - a place where the economics of emotion rule. and in this case, in this kingdom, i am extremely broke and poor. this might come as a surprise to some, but to many i've become simply numb. there is an explanation for this, but i'm not altogether sure it's the sole reason that i've found myself in this place. and now i find that i can only see an oasis when there's music playing - in worship. when i sit down to pray, i'm a completely different person.

the reason?

when i worship, i only focus on how good God is. He is so merciful, He is faithful and kind, He is worthy, He is my shelter, my deliverer, He is altogether worthy and i live to give Him praise. but when i pray, that is when i have to take the bad in life with the good and present it to Him. the problem with this is that when i finally get to acknowledging the bad, i blame God for it.

but the truth is, anything bad we face in this life is a result of man trying to be without God. God is good and ONLY good. even in His judgement, He is good because His just, you see? and so by acknowledging the bad, i am ultimately acknowledging my need for a Saviour. and i need Him, there is no doubt about that.