tragic flaws

oh, don't mind me sitting here.
i know i seem to be alone, but he's coming.
i'm another ignorant romantic casualty.
who knew i'd be fooled even again?

oh my love, i can't wait to be reunited.
the stories i have to tell you! the things
that have been left unsaid...i'm beside myself
in anticipation.

my romeo will be here shortly.
he said he was coming soon...do you see him?
i can't seem to find him on the horizon.
but he said he would come, so don't worry.

must i be reminded that even romeo had a tragic flaw?
maybe you were never there, my dear.

and p.s.

do you even realize what you do to me?
my God, those eyes...

playing disaster

ambivalence measure in fragmented broken utterances
extravagant things to be said with lackluster words
confusion professed in a purposeful manner
and nobody seems to know what i'm trying to say.

i'm just attempting to orchestrate
a sweetly distressed symphony
something that tickles, then bites the ears
only for the purpose of opening your eyes for a minute

i'm tapping my conductor's baton and now
here comes my brilliant orchestra with ready minds and open hands
are you listening? to the much fuller version of myself
with spilled accidentals and failures
and backstabbing sharps and disappointing flats

as i raise my hands to play disaster...
will someone please point out that i'm in the wrong key?

self-diagnosis

i don't quite know exactly what i'm trying to accomplish by sitting down and writing this piece that is pouring involuntarily out of my fingertips. and maybe i won't resolve it, since that seems to be the way to make an impact nowadays.

maybe i'm looking to my writing to expose something that i can't seem to uncover by internalizing my examinations. perhaps there's some kind of excavation i'm seeking to produce from this. who have i become? who are you? what should i do about the situation? what is the situation? and will i spend the rest of my time and my words on questions that i'll never answer?

so this is my diagnosis: i think entirely too much. but maybe i won't resolve it this time, since that seems to be the way to make an impact nowadays.

lucifer

oh, how beautiful you are! bejeweled, radiating the very music that penetrates the soul. no horns or tail to be found here - rubies, emeralds, sapphires, amethyst, garnets....but most of all...diamonds. transparent. shimmering - you truly are the most beautiful creature God created. especially when you shine. i mean, shone. it's been a while, hasn't it? i'm sure you remember...oh, i'm sorry, is that too agonizing for me to mention? but you were certainly...breathtaking. you knew how to play the strings of His heart - and i'm certain you could...well, can, and do, play mine so well that i'm spellbound. maybe that's why you get me. i mean, you know exactly how to slow me down (sometimes completely stop me). we both use music to reach Him. to reach anyone. ah! bejeweled, but with no light to radiate in. transparent, shimmering, but altogether devoid of purpose. without the one who made you...all you are is worthless. you can't bring me down to your level - and it kills you, doesn't it? oh, lucifer. you know nothing of who i am. the difference between you and i, is that i'm His and that's not going to change. enjoy your darkness.