walking advertisements for pain.

come one, come all!

come see the girl who knows

how to ruin a perfectly good thing

with a golden touch

she can open her mouth and turn joy to rust

she can move her fingers and melt love into hatred

with one quick flick of her wrist she can paint disaster

and she does it all for the low price of your heart

what a master at her craft!

have you ever seen anyone like her? 

the brilliant destruction that lies before her

at the end of each show

...you'd never know she regrets it every time. 

come one, come all!

come see, come see the girl

who is capable of ruining even the 

simplest of joys. 

come one, come all!

come see, come see the girl

who turns pure joy into mere sorrow. 

the girl who just wishes she could get it right this time,

the one time it actually matters. 

the girl who is truly sorry. 

oh, dear. don't cry.

in the land of comparison, there is no winner. 

no absolutes. just...broken scales

tainted by the sands of time

stained by the sorrow of yesterday 

and nobody knows how to play the game anymore. 

it's all convoluted

where up should be down, east is west

and the sky is green and the grass is blue

the problem lies within the human heart

for above all, it is deceitful. 

for one day, it could tell you you're unworthy of it all

and the next, it reminds you that you're falling in love

alice in wonderland made more sense than this uncharted territory

...at least for me. 

prince charming prefers going for walks now 

and hourglasses are frozen in place

a pawn from the life-size chess board is left alone in the dark night

the living candle is constantly looking over his shoulder. 

while the universe may be against some altogether

i'm altogether sure that i'm just in an alternate universe.

love/strife

i am finding that love is often born in the midst of strife. when the flood comes in, there are two choices: there is the decision to evaluate the cost of it all and decide that you know what? you were never really willing to pay the price in the first place. which is fine, you're mostly grateful that you made that decision before you had to sit through the storm, you're grateful that it wasn't love in this case. and there is the decision to sit down and look behind you; to see all the memories, the good and the bad, and to realize that this person has genuinely just made your life better. the way they talk, the way they live, the adventure they bring, it's just all making your life happier than you ever were before. and this storm that is knocking on the door might bring complications, and you might even have to lock your door and lock them out, but you only do it because you know it's for the best. and that is when you know love has been born. 

and this is where i find myself. the storm has come upon me, and rapidly. i have already chosen what i am going to do. you've never been bad for me. not until now. you're like a natural sedative. when i see your rejection, it gives me no purpose to be awake and enjoying the world, for the world is significantly less enjoyable without you. i am adventure-less. you think that i'm locking you out because i want the storm to whisk you away forever. but really i'm locking the door because i've left it open for so long that the storm has already brought damage and now i'm just trying to salvage the remnants. and if you'll be waiting once it's passed, you can come in and we can live happily ever after. 

oh, how i despise the strife that brings love.

the point of no return

there's a fable that claims that christianity

is a pretty paved road that only has one lane

or an unblazed trail in an unabashed wilderness, 

i'm not sure. 

i've heard the story that christianity 

is like running on a track, 

running in circles but with a purpose, 

but i'm not sure. 

in fact, i'm altogether convinced

that christianity, that my faith

looks a little more like...

free running

benches, fences, plain obstacles

just trying to make it past the roadblocks

and then comes the part we never saw

it's the point of no return. 

as i stand on the ledge of a very bold cliff

wondering what this means for my future 

and i realize that this is the point that i must either

take the jump or turn around and go home. 

and i find myself falling

falling

fall

ing

fa

ll

in

g

when i hit the ground running

i discover that i've never truly lived until this moment. 

this is our problem. 

this is our dilemma. 

we stand on the edge of our personal cliff

complaining about how worship just doesn't "take me there"

or how the sermon "just isn't for me"

or how we just "don't feel God anymore"

but the problem is...

we will never know what it's like to be a real christian

if we never take the plunge into christianity. 

i've never been so proud of a fall in my life.

[untitled]

does Your perfect love cast out every fear, 

or am i still dominated in the day to day by the very things

i claim to have abandoned (no pun intended) long ago? 

there is a longing deep in my heart

placed in the very core of my being, and not by me...

to be fearless and live my life in such a way. 

but does Your perfect love cast out every fear?