panic attack

nothing is as bad as it seems right? i'm breathing shallow, but at least i'm still breathing...right? i'm shaking, but at least it's because i still have intensity...right? my skin is warm and i feel so sick to my stomach. no matter what anyone says, the lump in my throat won't go away. my eyes burn like there's hot tears on the brink, but nothing. every muscle in my body is tensed and all i can think is how much it will take to get me relaxed again. my scalp hurts from pulling on my hair as a reaction. the ground is spinning and my heart won't stop pounding (but at least it's not skipping beats anymore). there are words i wanna speak, but i can't form them with my mouth. just breathe. relax. stay calm. it wasn't an actual wreck, you survived, there wasn't even the slightest of impact. stop being a baby. my steps are slowing and my body is getting heavy. my eyelids start to fall, my sinuses feel like they're going to explode and my head feels like it's in a vice. i finally see you and everything seems to be okay. i can rest when you're around, love. you make me feel...safe. i'm glad i have you to take care of me. i wake up and laugh entirely too much at all the wrong jokes...and i come home and try to express just a fraction of what in the world happened to my world tonight.