romanced

i spent a little time with Him today. oh, how wonderful it is to hear His whispers of love so much clearer than i have in ages. i am truly in love with everything that He is. how could i see the love he poured out, chemically infused in every drop of blood He shed on the cross, how can i see that and be so calloused? i am a wretch saved by grace, and that is the only redemptive quality i have in my flesh and bones. how presumptuous of us to think that we come to God and we choose Him on our terms. no, God predestined my heart to be His. He knew the way my heart would beat (even if it is inconsistent at times), He knew the sickness and disease i would face, He knew the fears i would fight, He knew the tears i would cry. He knows my favorite color, He knows what music i like. He can finish my sentences, He laughs at my jokes...He knows how to paint the sunset to remind me He's here...and He knows just when to make it rain. you want romance? He's been pursuing my heart since the foundations of the world. why? because He wants to make me, shape me, into something that showcases His greatness. because in my nothingness, He is something. in my weakness, His strength is displayed. in my insecurities and insufficiencies, He is security and sufficiency. what a beautiful picture of a love story. and yet so often, i am found like a raving mad animal, hunting it down in bookstores and in coffee shops and in apartment complexes...man or woman, poor or rich, small or tall...i'm craving love. why can't i seem to remember that His love is staring me in the face and i'm just too dense to reach out and take it? i don't mean to so often put myself down. for i know that i am a beautiful portrait of the Father's love for His people. i know that i am beautiful on the outside AND the inside, i am confident that my spirit is that of a warrior and that because of it i will do great things, and i know that even though sometimes i may fail, i live a life close to the character that is mentioned in proverbs 31, and i am still striving. but it's in times like these, when i am looking back so i can look ahead, that i realize just how far i have to go. and right now, that challenge is going to be embracing His love even more.